The past few days have been so emotional. Its so foreign to me. I'm not used to allowing myself the freedom to feel, the freedom to process and deal with things. A few days ago I knew I'd need some encouragement for this week, so I loaded up my iPod with some new worship music. Did a lot of driving around town yesterday, listening to music, tears running down my face. It was so healing.
I cried tears for nieces and nephews I won't get to meet until Heaven. Tears for friends who desperately want to hold a baby in their arms. Tears for youthful dreams unrealized. Tears of guilt for bad choices. Tears of regretfulness and confession. It seemed that just when I would stop crying, another lyric would appear through a song that would strike a nerve, and the tears would start again.
This is new to me. Its been a long time. I have a hard time even letting my husband see these tears. Explaining is just so hard to do, especially when I'm in the midst of trying to figure things out. I'm just so thankful. So grateful for mercy and grace.
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