Week 4 Weigh-in and Meeting

Where has the time gone? It's been crazy busy around here and the week is flying by. Last week was the beginning of week 4. I lost 3.2 lbs!!! Very happy with that result. This week's weigh in is a big one. We get our BMI's and Body fat percentages taken again. I cannot wait to see the progress I've made!!! Altogether I've lost 19 lbs. Not too bad considering it's been only a month!

Guilt

Guilt is a subtle, yet powerful thing. It can sneak up on you quietly and quickly, grasping a hold on you and not letting go. It's controlling and like quicksand. Once you are in the thick of it, it's so hard to get out.
Guilt is one of the biggest things I've struggled with over the past 10 years. It's not your average kind of guilty feelings, like feeling guilty because I ate too much icecream, or yelled at my kids. It goes a lot deeper than that. It's much more spiritual.
I felt guilty that I committed my life to full-time missions when I was younger, yet here I sit, just being a stay at home mom. I felt guilty for gaining a ton of weight. I felt guilty for losing the close relationship that I had with my Savior when I was younger.

Guilt, guilt, guilt. What did that produce?

Eating, eating, eating. Weight, weight, weight. It's what I did to shut out God's conviction in my life. To shut out intimacy, to not get too close to others. The guilt brought shame that was nearly unbearable.

But God is Faithful. His love endures forever.

I know that I'm forgiven and washed clean since I've repented. I know this in my head. I'm working on knowing and embracing it in my heart. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm making progress. It's something I have to keep reminding myself of when those old familiar guilty feelings start creeping back in. I'm so thankful God's not finished with me yet.

Week 3 Weigh-in and Meeting

Wow! I can't believe I've reached the end of week 2 and am beginning week 3. Sometimes as I look back on the journey so far, it realize how fast it is going and how these changes are becoming habits in my life.
Thursday nights are weekly weigh-ins and meetings. I was anxious all day long yesterday as I had way too much time to anticipate the weigh in. Would I lose anything? Would I meet my own expectations? What if I failed? Then I read this in my weekly devotional:

Grace teaches us: With MY help, you can keep moving toward the goal. However, remind yourself about ME. I'M going to be here everyday. Without ME, your heart will condemn you. But I won't withhold any good thing from you if you walk uprightly." What Have You Got To Lose by Stephen Arterburn

This hit me right where I needed it to. I was condemning myself with my own heart. But God showed me that I had been walking upright, and He would not withhold good things from me. The results may not be what I want, but in His timing, He will complete this work in me. 

So what were the results? I had a loss of 3 pounds!!! That was my goal, and I was very pleased to hit it. Since January 3rd, I have lost 16 lbs! That's pretty good for 2 and 1/2 weeks, I'd say. We had an awesome lecture from Dr. Justin about nutrition and exercise, did a challenging workout, and have a great time of devotions. While I didn't win the top amount for my team, I am pleased with my results. Bring on the next week!

God Speaks to Me

Ever since I was a little girl, God has used music to speak to me personally. Of course the primary way he speaks to all of us is through his Word. But I think he also has a way of communicating with us all on an individual, personal level. He is, after all, a personal God. Music is the way he speaks to me.

My earliest childhood memories include music. I remember being supremely jealous when my younger sister received an Amy Grant record for Christmas. I was only 7 at the time. It wasn't long before I was holding concerts in my bedroom, every lyric from that album memorized. Soon it was church musicals and learning the weekly hymns we sung on Sundays. As I got older, I joined choir in jr. high and high school. I don't even remember actually learning to sight-read music. It just always made sense to me.

Even now as an adult, God uses lyrics and melodies to really grab my heart. I can be going along my merry way, minding my own business, when a song comes on the radio that just cuts me to the core. So it's only natural that I would turn to music as I began this spiritual journey. It is what I turn to when I look for God.

This is one of my most favorite songs right now. It speaks exactly what my heart feels. My need for a Savior. My need to change, to be delivered. And my knowledge that there is only One who can do that for me.

When the rubber meets the road....

You know I recently realized something. It's so easy to make good choices when things are going smoothly. One good choice leads to another, you start seeing results, and life is good. Ahhh, but doesn't it always seem like that's when God throws in the wrench and requires dependence on HIM? Requires us to lean on HIM and not go running back to our old habits and ways?

I've been doing really well lately. But it seems that after a couple of days of doing well, I need a reminder of my need for my Savior. Today has been one of those days. It's just been a struggle. I'm tired, crabby, and unmotivated. To add to it all, my hubby found out that a bonus that was promised to be on Friday's paycheck will be delayed for weeks to months. Ugh. That was our spending money for our upcoming vacation to Disney World. As soon as I got off the phone with him, I felt those old feelings coming flooding back. Oh how I wished I had a bag of chips, or a 1-pound bag of peanut butter M&M's to munch on while I pondered everything. I wanted a way to escape even thinking about the situation! But I couldn't. And that even made me more frustrated.

After a few moments of stewing, I realized God's voice was nudging me, trying to get through to me. Faced with a choice, I had to make the right one. I was so aware of that choice, and I knew what God wanted me to do. "Crave ME." That's what that voice kept saying. After all, I had spent my quiet time this morning reading exactly that. And so I started praying. And kept praying. I wish I could say the desire to sin has passed. It really hasn't, it's just lessened. And I'm learning to go to the Lord with my problems instead of my cupboard. I know there will be more days like this, but I also know that by keeping my heart open to God, sweet victory will be mine in the end.

Week 2 Weigh-in and Meeting

Wow! I can't believe I have almost 2 weeks of healthy eating and exercise under my belt. Since January 3rd, I have lost 11.5 lbs!!! I'm thrilled with my results, thrilled with my new-found energy, and thrilled that my family is eating healthier too.

Last night we had our 2nd weigh in and meeting with the BL group at my church. I just have to say that I am so thankful for this group. At last week's meeting, I was in a fog. I had just worked 2 nights in a row and was hungry and exhausted. I was going through the motions to be sure. But this week I was rested and ready to see my results and learn all I could from our mentors!

We started off by doing the weigh in. I went first for my team. We are split into 2 different groups; one for each campus (location) of our church. Within those groups we are split into 2 more groups; blue team and red team. I'm on the blue team. Go Blue!!!  I had a loss of 7.2 lbs since the last weigh in a week before. Yeah!!!! I was hoping for 10lbs, but was truly happy with what I achieved. I ended up winning the award for highest percentage of weight loss on my team. Yippee! What a good feeling. Its like an extra shot of motivation to make this week a great one! I know there will be temptation and an occasional bad choice. But wow! I'm thankful for the Lord's strength because that's how I've done it.

After weigh-in we did a quick devotional on surrender. So important to surrender our wills to the Lord in all things, including our health and well-being. Then it was time to get to work! We did group workout. Week 2 is definitely harder than week 1 in that respect. Picture Pilates and Calisthenics. For about 1/2 hour. Lots of using your own body weight as resistance. I added in weights for the first time and it was way more challenging. But the cool thing is that I'm starting to see my recovery time shorten. The huffing and puffing when we were done was over quickly and it was nice and relaxing to stretch at the end.

We ended our meeting with our Nutrition lecture. This is my favorite part. I'm developing such a passion for healthy eating. It's so fascinating! I also get so angry at what conventional nutrition, the FDA, and our government tells us is healthy. So not true! I'll have to write separate posts about that because there is just so much good info out there. It would change the way people eat if they only knew.

Asian Turkey Lettuce Wraps

I made these for dinner the other night and they were fantastic!

Asian Turkey Lettuce Wraps
1 lb ground turkey
1 Cup Shitake Mushroom caps, chopped
3 T Organic Almond/Cashew Butter
1 T Sesame Oil
1 T Rice Vinegar
1 8-oz can Water Chestnuts, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 T fresh ginger, minced
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup green onions, chopped
1 Head Lettuce, separated into leaves

Cook turkey in skillet about 5 minutes, until turkey crumbles and is no longer pink. Add mushrooms and next 7 ingredients. Cook on medium-high heat, stirring constantly, 4 minutes. Add green onions if desired and cook 1 minute. Spoon mixture evenly onto lettuce leaves; roll up. Serve with extra soy sauce if desired.

Recipe from Maximized Living Nutrition Plans by Dr. B.J. Hardick, Kimberly Roberto, and Dr. Ben Lerner.

Temptation

"There has no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man. BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL; He will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able, but will with the temptation, make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it. " 2 Corinthians 10:13 KJV

"Remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. AND GOD IS FAITHFUL. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it. " 2 Corinthians 10:13 NLT

Temptation has been knocking on my door this week. When I am at home, surrounded by good food choices, it doesn't seem so bad. But there are so many times that I am faced with bad choices. The breakroom at work is always filled with junk food for the taking. Going out to eat for breakfast makes me feel nervous inside. Am I strong enough to pass up the hashbrowns I love and eat only the omelet on my plate? Gatherings at church almost always have an abundance of food. And every once in a while I'm just so hungry, I'm even tempted to keep eating the healthy stuff, even though I know I've already had enough. It's tiresome after a while. Exhausting really. If I was addicted to alcohol or drugs, I could avoid those entirely. But I still have to eat. I still have to make good choices all day long, and sometimes its overwhelming. Sometimes it's very lonely; surely I'm the only one going through this. Sometimes my heart gets rebellious and I just. don't. want. to.  (insert some good foot-stomping right there.)

When I was in high school, I went on a summer missions trip. Included in the trip was verse memorization. We were given a pack of cards, each containing a different scripture verse. There were 40 in all, and we were required to memorize one each day. At the end of the week we would review all that we had learned so far. We also did Bible quizzing, ensuring that those verses would stick in our heads. Oh how grateful I am for that summer! I've always been good at memorization, so it wasn't a struggle for me. I actually enjoyed it. But at the time I didn't realize how much of an impact that would have on my whole life. Those verses have never left me. God's Word says:

"I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your principles. I have recited aloud all the laws you have given us. I will delight in your principles and not forget your word." Psalm 119:11-13, 16 NLT

"For the Word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are." Hebrews 4:12 NLT 

I am so thankful that God's Word is so powerful. That scripture I memorized 19 years ago has not left my heart. It's amazing to me that God shows his faithfulness in that way. Learning His Word does not produce nothing. If you take the time to do it, it will be there when you need it the most. For me personally, I have needed the above verses on temptation so much this week. There are several things that really stand out to me when I ponder that verse. 

We are not alone. There is no temptation that we face that hasn't been faced by others before. So even when we feel alone, it's not true. Many others have come before, and many will come behind us as well. I pray that God will deliver me fully from this temptation, so that I may help those that come behind me. Even Christ experienced the same temptations. According to Hebrews 4:14-16:

"That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will received his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. "

Wow! Take a moment to just let those words sink in. They are powerful! I am in awe of God's grace and mercy. How compassionate of God to send his Son to experience full humanity. Christ knows our struggles! He knows the temptations that we face. He faced them. He knows what gluttony is, he was tempted by it, and he did not give in. He was without sin. How thankful I am that my God really KNOWS what I'm going through. And by his power, he always makes a way to escape. When those temptations feel too much to bear, Christ ALWAYS sends a way of escape. I just need to open my eyes to see it, and then choose to obey.

-10 lbs!

Well, I'm happy to report that I have successfully completed week 1. I started this journey on January 3. As of this morning, I've lost 10 lbs! Not too shabby for only 8 days! Even better, I'm starting to find it much easier. The first few days were rough. I was so hungry! I think my body is adjusting to it all now. It is still sometimes challenging to stay within my calorie goals of 1200-1500 per day. But I am looking at each day as a learning experience. Some days will be better than others and I'm not going to beat myself up on the hard days.

Exercise is going well too. It's quickly becoming part of my routine. I wouldn't say I'm loving it, but I am feeling much healthier as a result. I'm excited to see just how much weight I'll have lost at my weekly weigh-in on Thursday night. It's enough motivation to keep me going, even when I really don't want to put on my gym shoes.

This morning I felt convicted that the easier it gets to stay on plan, the less I call out for help from my Savior. So my prayer today is that God would keep my pride in check and I would rely on His strength alone! Less of me, More of Him.

Week 1

I had my first meeting with the group at church that I'm participating in. I was exhausted because I was coming off of 2 days working midnights. Needless to say, I was just kind of going through the motions.

We started off with getting our team shirts and recording our beginning stats. Ugh. That part was the worst. I knew how much I weighed, and my measurements weren't all that surprising. But finding out my BMI and percentage of Body Fat? WOW! I hated it and loved it at the same time. Hated it because I felt embarrassed and ashamed. But I loved it because it was so motivating. The more I reflect on those numbers, the more I wanna make changing them my goal. Its fun to lose pounds, but it will be so rewarding to see my body fat percentage and BMI go down.

After finishing stats we took the obligatory "before" photos and group photos. There was also a man getting up in everyone's face with a video camera. Really? I don't remember signing up for that part.

The next part of the meeting was a nutrition lecture. This is the part that is very interesting. I'll probably start posting seperately about it because there is just so much info out there! We are basically following a "paleo" diet. Very basic foods. Nuts and seeds, fresh local meats, raw whole dairy, and lots of fruits and veggies. We'll be restricted to 1500 calories a day. I have to admit, yesterday was very difficult for me. I was sooooo hungry. I literally thought I might be sick because of it. Part of the learning process if figuring out when and what to eat. I realized I hadn't eaten very much over the past 12 hours, so that was part of my problem.

After the lecture they demonstrated the basic exercises that we'd be doing that night. Nothing too new or exciting since I'd been doing it for over a month already.

We ended our meeting with devotions. I plan to write separate posts on those as well. There is just too much good stuff for one post!

Tears Are Flowing

The past few days have been so emotional. Its so foreign to me. I'm not used to allowing myself the freedom to feel, the freedom to process and deal with things. A few days ago I knew I'd need some encouragement for this week, so I loaded up my iPod with some new worship music. Did a lot of driving around town yesterday, listening to music, tears running down my face. It was so healing.

I cried tears for nieces and nephews I won't get to meet until Heaven. Tears for friends who desperately want to hold a baby in their arms. Tears for youthful dreams unrealized. Tears of guilt for bad choices. Tears of regretfulness and confession. It seemed that just when I would stop crying, another lyric would appear through a song that would strike a nerve, and the tears would start again.

This is new to me. Its been a long time. I have a hard time even letting my husband see these tears. Explaining is just so hard to do, especially when I'm in the midst of trying to figure things out. I'm just so thankful. So grateful for mercy and grace.

Day 2

1 day down, many more to go. I woke up this morning a bit on the grumpy side. Hungry and still tired, I quickly remembered I had to put more thought into my food choices today than I really want to. But I turned on the radio and listened to some really encouraging music while taking the girls to school this morning. Kind of changed my attitude and renewed my determination. I can do this! More importantly, I want to do this!

So yesterday was a day of ups and downs. Highs and lows. Since my crutch of overeating has been taken away, the tears have not stopped flowing! Its amazing how quickly that happens. I'm just so thankful for God's patience with me. He welcomes us back with open arms no matter how badly we've messed up. So I let the tears flow, knowing that it is an important part of this journey.

I am happy to report that I stayed on track with my eating and working out! My goal is to stay below 1500 calories daily and get some exercise in too. Even though it was hard, I didn't exceed 1500. And I did a 30-minute workout dvd as well. I still need to find a way to drink more water. I drank 70 oz, but should be drinking closer to 100 oz.

So this morning I enjoyed a fantastic bowl of oatmeal, inspired by Kath. This lady knows how to make oatmeal! I don't have too many interesting toppings right now, but I can see myself getting hooked on keeping them around. Today I just made a bowl of steel cut oats and topped it with Naturally Nutty Almond Butter. I also added a tablespoon of dry toasted pecans and a dash of cinnamon. Wow! Soooo good, and sooo filling. Paired with a cup of coffee, I am one satisfied lady.

Here's to a fantastic day!!!

What's for Dinner?

This is quite possibly the best chicken I have ever made. In the past I always felt like I would come up with a great sauce to cook chicken in, but the results were always disappointing. The chicken would never retain the flavor of what it was cooked in. Not so with this recipe! Moist and delicious, and healthy at the same time. This has become our family's favorite. Enjoy!

I'm serving this with brown rice, broccoli, and mixed spring greens.

Chicken Savoy
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/8 cup EVOO
2/3 cup Water
1 T sea salt
4 cloves garlic, minced
dried oregano , salt, and pepper to taste
1/4 grated romano or parmesan cheese
3 T Balsamic Vinegar

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Place chicken breasts in a 9x13 or other shallow baking dish. Cover the chicken with a mixture of the water, salt, and olive oil. Mince a garlic clove over each chicken breast. Sprinkle the salt, pepper, and a good amount of oregano over the chicken. Sprinkle cheese over the chicken. Bake at 450 degrees for 30 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Pour off excess fluid, leaving the chicken in the baking dish. Drizzle with the balsamic vinegar and serve.

A New Beginning

Today is a day of new beginnings. I know what you're thinking. We've been here before. A New Year, new goals and ambitions. Goals and ambitions to be sought after for about a month or so and then quickly forgotten or failed. This time will be different. It has to be. Something tells me if I fail this time, it will be so very very long before I have the heart to try again.

I have known this journey was coming for a few months now. Well it's a long time overdue, but the anticipation has been building since early fall. I am setting out, with a quiet determination, to change my life. I'd be lying if I said it didn't terrify me. I am keenly aware that I stand before a mountain. A mountain that appears so vast and rugged, I surely won't be able to climb it. At least that's the mental picture in front of me today.

BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL.

Simple, yet so profound. I have known of God's faithfulness almost my whole life. But a funny thing happened. I forgot. No, that's not right. I closed up my heart. I'm not sure exactly when or why it happened, but about 10 years ago I stopped feeling. It's safer that way, or at least that's what I thought. Afraid of facing past hurts and disappointments, I chose to eat instead. I built a wall. A wall that was carefully made with cookies and cakes, ice cream and chips, foods that eventually became tasteless in my quest to prevent any intimacy in my life. What a huge wall I built! Anytime a feeling would begin to crack away at that wall, I only had to patch up the hole with more food.

BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL.

By God's Grace, I have a quiet determination within me. These destructive patterns have to stop. I want to feel real feelings again. Not just anger and frustration. But Joy, Love, Peace, Hope, Contentment. Through placing my trust in Christ once more, I KNOW that he will carry me through this journey. So here I stand at this crossroads in my life. I have never been so aware of what lies before me. The enemy is trying to fill my heart with fear and dread.

BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL.

Join me on this journey. God will show himself faithful. I can't wait to come through to the other side and give all of the glory and honor to Him. I KNOW that I CANNOT do this on my own. It will be Christ living through me that accomplishes these goals.

A Quiet Determination. A New Creation.

The Plan

It's great to have a plan, right? Boy, oh boy, do I have a plan.

My church is doing a weight loss program from now until the end of May. It's part competition, part spiritual healing, part nutritional teaching. I'm one of 19 that has been chosen to participate and I'm excited, although nervous. Here's the scoop:

Nutrition
Eat a whole foods/real foods diet. That means the foods that I'm eating should be as close to their natural state as possible. Produce should be organic, meat should be grass-fed and free range. None of the processed stuff. White sugar, white flour, and white potatoes are out. Eek! It's such a healthy way to eat, but challenging in our society.

Exercise
1 hour a day, 6 days a week. 3 of those days will be group workouts....similar to the stuff you see on the Biggest Loser show. The other 3 will be at home, and more up to us. I think. I'll find out more this week.

Spiritual and Emotional Support
aka Accountability. Weekly weigh-ins and measurements. Learning proper nutrition and exercise. Learning coping skills and how to handle this as a Christian.

All of this takes place weekly for the next 5 months. My goal is to be 50 lbs lighter at the end. WooHoo! I haven't seen those kind of numbers in about 8 years, so I can't wait! I will share my weekly progress on this blog, as well as all of the ups and downs. I'm sure there will be many!

The Problem

Ok, so here's the scoop. I need to lose weight. A lot of it. 100 pounds of it. Sounds a bit daunting, if you ask me. Good thing I don't have to do it all in the month of January! They say slow and steady wins the race, so that's what I'm aiming for. I'm not ready to set a time frame for a 100 lb weight loss. But it needs to happen.

Another problem? I've drifted away from my Savior. My first love. I need that back. Christ has never left my side, but I have closed up my heart. In doing so, I have really limited his control over my life. I praise God for his faithfulness and forgiveness!

This blog is meant to be a way for me to process my thoughts and feelings through this journey. Some of it will be very meloncholy. Some of it will be more upbeat. That's just who I am. My hope is that it is very real. Honesty. Not hiding anything. Very hard to do, but very necessary.

Lord, please chip away these layers so I can find myself again.