A New Beginning

Today is a day of new beginnings. I know what you're thinking. We've been here before. A New Year, new goals and ambitions. Goals and ambitions to be sought after for about a month or so and then quickly forgotten or failed. This time will be different. It has to be. Something tells me if I fail this time, it will be so very very long before I have the heart to try again.

I have known this journey was coming for a few months now. Well it's a long time overdue, but the anticipation has been building since early fall. I am setting out, with a quiet determination, to change my life. I'd be lying if I said it didn't terrify me. I am keenly aware that I stand before a mountain. A mountain that appears so vast and rugged, I surely won't be able to climb it. At least that's the mental picture in front of me today.

BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL.

Simple, yet so profound. I have known of God's faithfulness almost my whole life. But a funny thing happened. I forgot. No, that's not right. I closed up my heart. I'm not sure exactly when or why it happened, but about 10 years ago I stopped feeling. It's safer that way, or at least that's what I thought. Afraid of facing past hurts and disappointments, I chose to eat instead. I built a wall. A wall that was carefully made with cookies and cakes, ice cream and chips, foods that eventually became tasteless in my quest to prevent any intimacy in my life. What a huge wall I built! Anytime a feeling would begin to crack away at that wall, I only had to patch up the hole with more food.

BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL.

By God's Grace, I have a quiet determination within me. These destructive patterns have to stop. I want to feel real feelings again. Not just anger and frustration. But Joy, Love, Peace, Hope, Contentment. Through placing my trust in Christ once more, I KNOW that he will carry me through this journey. So here I stand at this crossroads in my life. I have never been so aware of what lies before me. The enemy is trying to fill my heart with fear and dread.

BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL.

Join me on this journey. God will show himself faithful. I can't wait to come through to the other side and give all of the glory and honor to Him. I KNOW that I CANNOT do this on my own. It will be Christ living through me that accomplishes these goals.

A Quiet Determination. A New Creation.